Okay, now what? I was feeling good. Better than I have in many long days. Too much at once? Too many memories hitting at once?

Something triggered me. I went to have a bath and horrid events came back. So I added hot water, and more hot water, and then realizing that I was burning myself yet would not allow myself to get out. And it stung and still does. Then I grabbed a wash cloth--wanting so badly to get "the touch" off of my body. So I scrubbed and scrubbed....and it hurts so bad. My face was bleeding and now its a mess. I look like sheet. What the hell am I going to say when everyone gets home today? I took skin right off of my face and neck. Then I was really freaking out and have cuts all over my arm.

So now I hurt, it stings badly, and I am sad that I failed once again. And the memory was not wiped away. Once again it was all for nothing. I hurt myself all for nothing. What am I going to tell them? And just perfect timing--I not only see my t tomorrow but the childrens father has access this weekend (if he takes it).

Can I pass this off as a rash? Considering that I had a rash not too long ago. I hate this liar, but I can't tell them the truth.

What the hell happened? How the hell did I go from an okay mood, feeling so much better, then BANG: I do this??????? What the heck is wrong with me?

Justy