I find myself better for a few years in a row and then something goes terribly wrong. Then it takes me a couple years before I begin to stabilize. Part of the problem is going to a public facility for my pdoc and meds. Appointment usually are three to four months apart despite significant med changes. I want to be permanently cured. The missed opportunities. I was doing quite well by my late thirties. Where would I be now that I am in my fifties if MI did not begin to dominate my life as much as it has. Everyone I know in my past is doing very well with allot of money in the bank. More importantly, I do not think I will ever be well enough to confidently take full time employment. Something is very likely to go very wrong once every several years like it has with me in my past.

Do I think there are those with BP who get better to where they can function at a high level for the rest of their life? Sure. But even when I was doing well, I still had periods of significant down time as I would think they would also have. So what to do about this? The SS regulations do not help much either. If I were to try to give some of the opportunities that come by me a try, I would jeopardize SS. Only one genuine attempt could remove me from SS with me having to reapply a few years later. At least that would be my fear.

What would have to happen in order for me to take a chance? One would be a good and very responsive pdoc. How can this happen in a public setting? Another wouod be a good support network around me. This will take me time to develope but still worthwhile. I would have to try out a job before risking being kicked off of SS. How can this happen? I would need some money in the bank to mitigate some of the risk. How can this happen?

I have been thinking. I think it would be a good idea to make a list on what needs to be in place for you to be willing to take risks in the job market. More important, there are the contingency plans. Maybe look at it like that of a business plan would be productive. Only then can you intelligently way the risks to the benefits and come to a decision. As far as wellness is concerned, that has to be part of your plans, particularly with when things go wrong. I personally would never consider employment unless I was well for several years in a row.

Just some thoughts.