*Whew* Okay, I had the therapy appointment and the pdoc appt. afterwards. Therapy was very encouraging because I want to learn to accept and cope with my mood changes (even the natural ones), my emotions, and with expressing myself, my feelings, my needs, and so on. In short, I want to better learn to accept myself as the person I am. I like myself and I think it's time to really meet the whole "me".

The pdoc was very understanding about dropping the Lamictal dose. Of course, she chided me gently about changing the med without consulting her. I explained that I honestly felt I did not want to go through 1 more day feeling the way I was feeling. I also explained that I did try to schedule an earlier appt. with her, but that there was nothing open. I did not explain those things to defend my action, but to let her know why I made the decision to drop the dose when I did.

We talked a lot about the medication decision. Pdoc is very conscientious; I am fond of her. There are a few things that I've found even the very best pdoc doesn't quite "get" - for example, how absolutely fatigued psych meds usually cause people to feel. Most days I just want to sleep and sleep. Not like a depression thing, but just that I'm so freaking sleepy from meds. The sleepiness is very annoying to me. I have kind-of stopped bringing that topic up with pdocs because they seem to somewhat negate it.

Anyway, that was an aside. The final decision is that I am going to stay with the 75 mg. Lamictal for now. If I feel like I need to change the dosage, I can see her sooner than my next appointment in 3 weeks. As it stands right now I feel quite stable...the teeniest bit hypomanic occasionally, but no unusual anger or negative symptoms. I would MUCH rather feel a bit hypomanic than at all depressed or anxious.

It was a huge relief to get the appointment done.

During my appointment today, I was thinking of the people who have replied to me on this thread, and how much you have all helped me these past several days. Thank you