Queenie,

I'm so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I can relate to what you are experiencing. For me, at those times, it is important to keep reminding myself that the past is behind me, even though I still need to heal. I am, regardless, able to keep myself safe today. Try writing down the specific memories and feelings you are having now. Then run your hands over the page, telling yourself that your struggle to heal is about the past and that today, you are safe and working to find peace. For me, I also drew pictures of what was most bothering me, especially the faces. Running my hands over them, tearing them up -- was all very grounding.

You also said that you "know people won't accept" you because of what you've "been apart of." Please remember that what happened was not your fault. You did not ask for it. You did not deserve it. You did not cause it. You were victimized and have nothing to be ashamed of. You may need your privacy from people you are near today, but that does not mean you have to be ashamed or afraid of them finding out the trauma you have been through. I used to have these concerns to, but I have come to a place in my life where I simply don't care what others think of my traumatic past. Some people understand right away, and others have to be taught a bit about what I need for support and why I still hurt today. If they cannot be supportive, I believe I can choose to find others who can. And I deserve that. And so do you, Queenie.

This will get better. I have been where you are, and am making progress because I have accepted help. You are doing the same thing here, reaching out for help. You are not alone in your healing journey. Peace is coming. Believe that. You deserve it. You are courageous. And you are strong and getting stronger when you accept help from others.

be well,

mtd