I am.paying for a counsellor and she is really good. Today I picked up the nerve to talk about my old sports coach who should have been a role model but I can safely say he wasn't.
I remember my training colleague said she was going sledging with the sixth year class and he shook his head in disgust saying she was immature. We had just been t the gym for two hours at seven in the morning and she would be at his gym for five hours that night.
At 18 I went out with my pals and danced in clubs. He called me immature for letting my hair down.
I felt ready to take my exam to go to next leven and he said that because I drunk on a weekend i was to immature to do it. I felt alive for the first time in my life and I disagreed and I got the details from one of the parents and I asked him to sign it saying I was ready. He of course had the last snide word.
I passed. I even show boated and let my partner in the exam land some hits.
Another coach told me I should swith to competing in another field. And I was so embarrassed while he spoke away to me because he was the Ex British coach !

I needed a months break in hospital because everyone was calling me lazy and I had a breakdown . I was training and working and studying.
My ex role model must have felt some guilt in his unconscious and he came straight to my house to give me my certificate. Its ok I forgive you.