Hello All,

I'm new, so I hope Im doing this right.

I have a dear friend who has had an addiction problem for about half his life (he is 36) Over the last 2 years, he has decided enough is enough and he has gone to rehab twice. When he comes out of the rehab, he seems very committed to staying clean and sober (c/s) but, as many addicted folks do, he does not stay with any after care program for very long. He feels he can do it on his own.

So, my first question- how can I encourage him to stay in treatment. (yes, I know it is up to him and obviously I can'f force anyone to do anything, but other than offering to go with him and reminding him that this is a disease and needs to be managed..... any other ideas?)

In the past, he seems to stay c/s about 1.5 months and then starts to slip. When he slips he lies about it. He just doesn't seem to be able to take personal responsibility for his actions. Yet, at the same time he withdraws into himself because he seems to feel so much shame. It's one thing to feel guilt for doing something wrong, but this is so much deeper and debilitating.

Moving forward, he resets his resolve and is good for another week-ten days, during which time he barely talks to anyone but goes to work and functions like a normal person, BUT, during this time he becomes very verbally abusive to his girlfriend it is unbelievable. This is the part that I really don't understand.

I read the guidelines so I realize I cant post the words he calls her. While under the influence he has hallucinated that she has had sex with other men.
When he comes down, he believes that she actually has.

This woman works 12-14 hour shifts at a restaurant then takes care of her 2 kids. He will accuse her of being tired because she must be sleeping with the boss or every customer that comes in, and all the men around town.
.
The language he uses is just beyond what any woman should put up. I told her she needs to set reasonable boundaries, make them clear to him when he is sober, and stick to them.

But, I can't figure out, why my sweet friend turns into Mr Hyde after he has used and how to pull him out of it. Any ideas???

Thank you all.