It was a married instructor that accused yesterday. I have no interest in her nor her in me, I hope. There's one woman at the gym I'm so into it's not funny but I'm giving up hope in and another that I like somewhat but when I made a kind-of move yesterday she moved away and didn't stick around even though she asked me to try the tabata class the night before. I'm not going to ask out every woman I see because I'm not a slut nor do I want to date a bunch of women at once. Maybe it's easier for some of these women to say or think I'm gay, because a few PC people have seen pictures of me and say I'm good looking but I feel so suspicious when I hear or read that?
I was so entangled and embroiled in emotions that I drank almost a full pint of 100 proof vodka last night and almost texted my ex (written but not sent because I passed out) and hurt a friend I value intensely's feelings by saying something incredibly stupid. I'm sufficiently hungover, feeling hugely guilty, and a bit self-hating about it all so I don't think I need anyone else's correction on last night's poor choices. I had returns of SA dreams at one point in the night too. Alcohol is stupid. I suppose "non-drinker" needs to go on my list of expectations for a date.