It occurred to me that actually I feel pretty ashamed of experiencing anxiety. I mean it's bad enough just to experience it in the first place but then I actually feel ashamed of it on top of that. I try to cover up anxiety by pretending I just didn't want to do the thing that makes me anxious, or finding reasons why I didn't absolutely need to do it, instead of admitting to myself or others that the reason I didn't do it is purely just because I'm anxious.

For most of my life I actually hid from other people (and tried to deny) that I experienced anxiety and didn't want to look (or feel) vulnerable. I find it really hard to explain to people that I'm feeling anxious and that's why I don't want to do something. I just pretend I don't want to do it for some other reason, but I think that's a bad habit... because I start forgetting what it is that I actually want and don't want versus what would make me anxious and I start putting my own self on the back burner.

I tend to want to feel like anxiety "is never an excuse" to avoid, but actually sometimes my anxiety is genuinely too much to cope with. But it's like, missing out on things I want to do is bad enough on its own, without having to sit there hating on myself on top of that.

Does anyone relate?