Thanks for the support, guys.

I had to cancel my therapy appt for tomorrow; I have an obligation for school that conflicts. I asked her if I could reschedule for later tomorrow or Friday; hopefully that will work because I feel like crap right now, lol.

I have a pdoc but he is literally in another country. I thought about going to see a local psychiatrist but I don't want to have to take more meds. I stopped taking my risperdal a few months back, and I feel like they would just tell me to go back on it since I was stable most of the time while I was on it. I just really don't like antipsychotics, and part of me is proud of myself for functioning without them, even if the price is misery.

I just want to feel better and to feel hopeful again. Part of it is exacerbated by drama happening in my personal life. My roommate/best friend/ex partner and I haven't been getting along so well. He is emotionally abusive and manipulative, and I am too passive to stand up for myself. I hate him for treating me like that, and I hate myself for allowing myself to be treated that way. And to top it off, I have to see him with his new girlfriend. He shows her so much more affection than he ever showed me. It's painful but I am glad that I am no longer involved with him like that, since I have seen the nastier side of him. Still so hard though.

I feel so alone in the world, like I will never connect to others on either a deep friendship or romantic level. Sigh