Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn
Dear t, I just drafted the email I'm going to send you canceling the 12th and the 26th. Please accept it gracefully ok? Because I'm also asking to reconvene in mid-May. I don't know why this has me all in knots. Well I guess actually I do know. Because of course I wish I didn't have to. But I just won't have the $$ to pay you. I mean I'm glad we paid the bills off, I hated how they didn't send them and didn't send them and knowing it was hanging over our heads.... but at the same time I'm kinda bummin' cuz it means I can't see you this month and I probably won't be able to go to the Dream thing in June that I'd been so looking forward to either. Oh well. There's always next year for that, I guess. At least I'll have the $$ to see you again in May. Although if I don't see you in May either, then I'll have $200 for the thing in June... hmm. Hmm. I really should tell you that I'm starting to want to use the $200 a month I've been paying you for other things...
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Art: if i am overstepping, please feel free to tell me to shut my mouth!
I know you feel a lot of guilt for quitting therapy with this T...but honestly, it sounds like you've been done with therapy for months. I know she helped during your H's crisis(s), but if you really thought about it, would you have been okay if you
hadn't seen her? From what I recall, you were doing a-ok on your own until that popped up.
Now, that being said, that is a perfectly reasonable reason to go see your T. I would! I just feel like you have so much
guilt around it, and I truly don't think you should feel any. It seems like your T (weirdly) has had a hard time letting you go, but I personally think you should go to this dream thing in june, and not see your T
Like I said: tell me to shut up, I won't be offended. I just hate to see you waffling about when really, therapy is about YOU and what YOU want/need. Not about your T, at all.
I could call my T next week and tell her I was quitting. She might express some concern (as that would be out of the ordinary for me), but she would not tell me I shouldn't, or give me a guilt trip.
I am a person who plays by the "rules," so I always stay to the end of every session, even if I am feeling like shite, because that is what you "do." Last week, something happened that made me completely shut down and angry (still don't really know what it was), and since we only had about 5 minutes left, I said "I am leaving. I have nothing else to say." I stood up, gave her my check and left.
In almost 3 years, that has never happened. I felt guilty later and texted her, apologizing, telling her that i was feeling really bad and didn't know why, so i had to go.
She said she saw that, and hoped we could work through it together.
Sorry for the sidetrack. I just want you to do what is best for you (aka: go to that dream conference!), and not what is best for your T, even though she has helped you so much over the past 6 years.