What a quasi comfortable place to be in, to reach out to others while convinced they will not be able to offer anything of value. Do you read your own posts? I know where I have been in life, where I am, what my miseries and demons are. I trust ME more than any one else because of that. The remark I made about the 'test' is because that is what your entire post is, a test. Consider the concept that no one owes you anything. Compassion and advise come from a person's need to help in some way, some more than others. You asked for it, then you toss it back. There is no magic. Just hard work and determination. I'm sorry you are suffering, whether you accept that simple expression or not.