It bugs me. I'm tired of having all of these problems.

I care for SO many people ~ I just have nothing left inside of me. Well, that's not quite true. While I feel completely blank, I nearly always struggle with self-hate and self-blame. Certainly no positive feelings towards myself! Yet, people ask me "why??" and I cannot give a solid answer. It's just something that I have always felt towards myself. I don't know why. Even as a little girl.

I try... I've been in therapy since I was in 6th grade. That's a l-o-n-g time! Psychotherapy & psychiatry weekly; I've been on all sorts of medications; exercise regularly, and eaten healthy. JC, what else can I possibly do to turn this self-hate train around and actually start to enjoy my life? It feels absolutely hopeless to me.

My sister has AvPD, my brother is narcissistic, and then there's me with BPD. Pathetic.