I don't post that often on the bipolar forum because I remain unsure if I am bipolar. Lately, I mostly feel stable, normal but I am unable to sleep without my medications and have trouble regulating my emotions without medications. Before medications, I had days where I couldn't sleep but it usually wasn't every day. Perhaps I have simply become dependent on these medications. Perhaps my medications made me unstable but were necessary because I was so suicidal. My former psychiatrists never talked to me about my diagnosis--I only know them from obtaining copies of my records (mood disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder). This year--I am not at all depressed!!!! This makes me so happy because I know what it is like to be severely depressed, I thank my lucky stars every day that I am not depressed-- my heart goes out to all that are in that hole. I am now working with a VA psychitrist who talks to me an entire hour including my diagnosis. She says I probably do not have mania because I have only been hospitalized for my mental illness once but perhaps I have hypomania. As an experiment, she cut my bupropion from 150 mg per day to 100 mg a day because it could be contributing to my anxiety/possible hypomania. She is only sure that I have problems with anxiety but still evaluating if I am bipolar. Maybe I just wondered if I was bipolar because my attempt in 2015 was so shocking (I nearly died and have permanent chronic pain from it--I was majorly depressed when I did it.) That whole episode was so confusing--today is the three year anniversary of it--but I am putting it all behind me.

I lurk on the bipolar forum sometimes because I like the people at this forum!