If you initiate a divorce since most of your net worth is tied up in your house, the court will force you to sell and your H will get half of your net worth. Nowadays, there are many companies how will buy your home "as is"--we get postcards in the mail everyday about this--many even say they will move you and clear out the junk for you. Of course, you won't get as much for your home but what is your sanity worth. You cannot get your house into selling condition without your H's cooperation. I even heard zillow is starting to get into this market (buying homes in any condition--location is probably important concerning viability) on a very limited basis (they are testing but not doing this nationwide) or you could hire an auctioneer....

You will not have to figure out where anyone goes unless it is too hard to stay after filing the papers. It is possible that your H will torture you after you file if you live under the same roof. Fear makes this a tough situation because you can't afford to go anywhere else. You need to decide how to handle this part. Maybe take extra medication to ease your fear while divorcing and stay in your own room (install very good locks) and forget how bad the kitchen is? Maybe eat sandwiches and fresh salads and fruit on paper plates in your room? Don't buy anyone anything just pay enough so you do not lose the house and the electricity is not turned off. It is a real possibility that divorce could turn into a psychological war where he continues to intimidate you but staying sounds equally bad. At least with a divorce, there would be light at the end of the tunnel but are you tough enough to handle it all. It got this way because your H used your weakness against you. That will continue unless you stand up in some sort of way either by divorcing or saying if you mom stays, I go, etc......