Wow, it seems you have felt very judged for having/asking questions?
Yes, forums do have some limitations, for sure.
Please forgive me if you've already addressed this -- I am having concentration issues today, but wanted to reply to your thread -- Do you see a therapist?
It can be challenging to sort out multi-layered issues; yet, it is possible.
I hope you find an avenue which helps you to feel okay about asking questions and okay about sorting through things.
WC