Hi, I would like to ask how do you finally accept yourself?
I've been through a professional failure and I feel like a failure.
I have studied the arts and photography and never were able to make a sustained living out of it. I have another profession- legal assistant. So when things got bad in arts, I went back to being a legal assistant. Rationally, I tell myself that it is a not so bad situation. I am paid well enough. It is not a whole lot of responsibility. It can be stressful at times because of boss' expectations, but I learned to manage it. If I put enough intellectual effort in my job, I am given the chance to do some more interesting work that the boss is willing to delegate.
But emotionally, inside myself I feel like a failure... because I have no esteem for this profession. I find it like being a servant and a loser. I feel like I have no profession. I feel like I am nothing.
I tell myself that I replace my failed professional life with a happy personal life, but I have problems with my boyfriend and we have a quite detached relationship. I have no kids through I am 33 years old. And I don't think I will have a kid any time soon, if I decide finally to have one (because of the relationship I have with my bf). I will probably get to the point where I will be emotionally ready to have a kid, but that will be in a few years from now (at least 3 years). So basically, I have nothing to replace my failed professional life with. And now I came to realize.. that maybe it's time for me to talk about it. Maybe it's time for me to find a way to be happy with my job.. to find a way to find a value to this job (apart from making money for my boss so that he cam buy himself a nice car). What value are we supposed to get from a job? How do you find value in a job? I don't know.. I am trapped in my own perceptions. Maybe they are wrong...