You, in my opinion, are not being intellectually honest with yourself or in your posts. I would really prefer that you not kill yourself. I think (although I might regret this...) I'd like to get to know you a lot better. Probably selfish but hey selfish isn't always bad or wrong.
No, I don't expect you to take advise because it was offered. We are all looking for the same thing here pretty much. Respect. Consideration. Compassion. To listen.