Hey all,

So I had a pdoc appt yesterday morning. This is the 3rd time I have seen him and my wife has decided she doesn't like him or the way he's treating my mixed episode. She doesn't like that he took me off the risperdone that works about 90% of the time and switched me over to Latuda even though I and my wife argued against it. Being desperate to get out of depression then this mixed episode I agreed (he basically told me to take it or he's not going to refill my risperdone). I figure worse comes to worse, it doesn't work and I go back to the risperdone (Fingers crossed).

Well, yesterday when we talked and I told him I didn't feel any different and that I'm still really mixed and my anger is just out of control and causing trouble at work and with my wife, he decided to up the Latuda... again, the wife didn't agree.

After the appt my wife was pissed and didn't talk to me the whole drive home. When we did talk she said she didn't want to hear anything or have anything to do with my bipolar. She didn't want to go to my pdoc appts, she didn't want to watch me to take my meds like she usually does (I have a habit of not taking them when I feel better), she doesn't want me to tell her how I feel, basically doesn't want anything to do with it.

She has been a vital part of my "team" and she's the first one to notice and report to my pdoc about issues that arise. I feel like I not only lost someone from my support team, but lost the love and support of my wife. She basically wants to wipe her hands clean and tell me to deal with my own *****. I feel like she just doesn't care anymore.

I dunno what to do because right now is the time I need her the most since I'm not stable at the moment. I feel alone and unloved. And in the heat of the moment I told her I didn't need her help and that I didn't care if she helped/cared anymore. But I haven't stopped thinking about this since it happened.

I guess I just need to deal with ***** on my own from this point on. I feel like I don't have anyone I can talk to now that she's not there to listen to me and atm I can't afford a therapist. It all just makes me depressed and angry.