I think when I most of all want to stay alone in bed and cancel plans, is when I should actually force myself to do them as best as I can. Somehow I usually am able to engage with the other person, forget about all the troubles for a short while, and maybe I might feel a tiny bit better after.

I know just staying alone perpetuates the negativity and hopelessness without doing anything about it. My therapist would say the same. Motivation doesn't come out of nowhere but from action, doing something. So I should meet up with my friend.

But man, at the moment I just feel like life has got me by the throat.
I was at a job interview yesterday. I don't think I will get it. I'm afraid I will sink so low if I get a no. Meanwhile the "job center" (what it's called here) is pulling me in so many directions and having some many requirements and admin it's so overwhelming.
I don't know how long I can be in this state. My head is just in a pretty dark place right now. Trying to take it a day at a time.