This is something I fight every day. ‘Whats underneath?’ ‘Maybe im fine underneath now’ ‘maybe I should try and stop them/go down on them’

But no. Then I remember how just... awful it was before I found them. And though sometimes it almost feels like it isnt- its enough.

Im fairly obsessive about my meds too. Dont feel bad about yourself. Would you say you were addicted to food because you need to eat? Or addicted to air because you need to breathe?

This is a need, just like any other. Not your fault. BUT- it IS your responsibility to take care of- which means taking yoir meds- which you seem awesome about doing, or talking to a liscenced medical/mental health professional before changing anything