Hi mtd, thankyou so much for your reply and for your advice. You seem so strong and in a good place at the moment, to not care about what others think must be such a good feeling, I'm guessing it gives a sense of freedom too, I would love to be able to feel that, maybe one day I might, it doesn't seem a possibility but I know I have to open up a little and try otherwise my past wins and so do they and I want at least to experience a little of life, even it does seem a long shot. Whether I deserve to or not is another matter completely.

I will try the things you suggested and thankyou.

I am so pleased that you are making progress, thankyou and take good care.

Queenie