No offense Brian - but it kind of sounds like it might be. You said you see your therapist as the person you should have married. And you say your wife knows this -- I guess I'm imagining how hard she must be working during sessions to either not compare herself or to "out shine" her competition. Even if intellectually she understands transference, emotionally it must be hard.

Your feelings about what you are getting from the therapist and how they might translate into a partner are so important. And I'm in no way saying you are doing anything wrong. It just seems to me that the whole situation is so very complicated. Probably totally my own stuff here (I'm in the middle of a divorce) and my own need to not hurt anyone's feelings.

Good luck with this.