Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
Yes, as a relationship is new we learn this little fault and that one, and we find them acceptable. Then as time goes on, for me, it became an unacceptable fault surfaced. Then another and another.
I’m at a point where I am fearful that every person has these underlying unacceptable faults that will surface if given enough time. I feel this because of my relationship experience. My husband had so many good qualities. Then the horror of this incompatible, unrepairable issue came out.
I suppose it’s possible for someone to just be a great mate with no major issues. Gosh, I’d love to meet them! Deep down I worry that the real problem is ME, and I searched until I found fault in order to push him away.  This is terrifying for me. I am not sure what the truth is of what went wrong.  So, I’m just saying that you should also watch for when you are starting to see faults, and they are acceptable faults, but then they become unacceptable faults. Will that not happen? I hope your new guy only leaves his dirty laundry on the floor for you to pick up, and that is his worst fault.  |
Oh yes, I know this one
well. Most, if not ALL, of my relationships were with unhealthy, toxic people whose unacceptable behaviors revealed themselves over time.
But for me, what I realized is that I ignored and dismissed very important red flags & yellow flags that were indicative of trouble later down the road.
You can certainly detect these things early on with toxic people. I, too, began to think it was all ME. But these patterns CAN be broken. I've worked hard with my therapist on just this issue -- recognizing the red flags early on in the process.
My current guy certainly has faults, but nothing that is a deal breaker. He is so nice that when he thinks I'm upset, he gets all upset thinking he's done something.He hates to see any look of upset or disturbance on my face.