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mckell13 said:
? Aren't adults supposed to be self sufficient? This is where I am confused. Isn't the whole issue of a therapeutic relationship is that it is meant to be temporary. In the end aren't we are supposed to be able to handle the responsibility of caring for ourselves?

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I ask this question a lot! My T says that I am the poster child for self-sufficient - I've been running a household since I was 9. The trick for me is to find balance. He says that an adult who is truly taking care of themselves allows others to help - he talks about interdependency and is adamant that the goal in therapy is not independence - even when therapy is over he hopes I will take part of him forward with me. Once he said, "it is equally important that you hold me in your mind and heart, like I do you. Connections that are sustaining are mutual - which is why we feel pain when we miss people. The connection is stretched and the stretching hurts a little. That doesn't mean you are weak , or wrong or bad for missing someone."

I think the problem many of us have is that independence is a cultural value and the opposite of that is something to fear. But ask yourself, how many times have you thought or said to another, "you don't have to go through this alone." At least for me, I encourage others to lean on me, or get help, or be with family or whatever, when things are hard. I never say to them, "be independent around this - you'll feel better."

It is very hard - knowing this and yet not being able to let it happen. Early damage feels like permanent damage.