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Old Feb 03, 2008, 05:12 PM
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sunrise sunrise is offline
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Flowerb said:
But emotionally, I use his strength to shore up my own so I can face each day. He says that is fine, that I'm borrowing his core-self until I rebuild my own

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I love that thought. I think I am doing this with my T also. I feel like I keep him in my back pocket and carry him around with me. When I need him, I can take him out, kind of like a talisman I can hold in my hand to give me strength during hard times and help me cope.

Flowerb, I think our past experiences can make it hard for us to let people care for us. It probably depends on where we each are at in our development and what we have experienced. Some of us have been very independent and self-sufficient and not known how to let others care for us or take care of us. This sort of person can benefit from learning how to lean on others. Other people may be used to being very dependent on others and can benefit from learning how to better stand on their own two feet. Different people need different things.

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mckell13 said:
Aren't adults supposed to be self sufficient? This is where I am confused. Isn't the whole issue of a therapeutic relationship is that it is meant to be temporary. In the end aren't we are supposed to be able to handle the responsibility of caring for ourselves?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I don't think it's all or nothing. My T cares for me in a different way then others in my life. For example, I just had surgery. Friends and family called to enquire how it had gone, gave me sympathy, cooked food for me, helped with my kids, etc. T did not do these things. T just provides support for one hour a week in his office. He doesn't demonstrate his "care" for me in these other ways, but that doesn't mean the care he does give me is any less valuable. All of these ways of caring have value, and it is OK to let others care for us when we need it. This is something I must work on accepting, because I have a long history of being overly self sufficient and "needing no one." I remember as a little girl, many instances of standing stock still as my mother yelled at me full blast and just tuning her out and reciting this mantra in my head, "I don't need anyone. I don't need anyone." I need to unlearn that.

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Flowerb said:
He says that an adult who is truly taking care of themselves allows others to help - he talks about interdependency and is adamant that the goal in therapy is not independence - even when therapy is over he hopes I will take part of him forward with me. Once he said, "it is equally important that you hold me in your mind and heart, like I do you. Connections that are sustaining are mutual - which is why we feel pain when we miss people. The connection is stretched and the stretching hurts a little. That doesn't mean you are weak , or wrong or bad for missing someone."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I really like your T, flowerb. He sounds very caring and insightful.
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