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Originally Posted by golden_eve
Oh yes, I know this one well. Most, if not ALL, of my relationships were with unhealthy, toxic people whose unacceptable behaviors revealed themselves over time.
But for me, what I realized is that I ignored and dismissed very important red flags & yellow flags that were indicative of trouble later down the road.
You can certainly detect these things early on with toxic people. I, too, began to think it was all ME. But these patterns CAN be broken. I've worked hard with my therapist on just this issue -- recognizing the red flags early on in the process.
My current guy certainly has faults, but nothing that is a deal breaker. He is so nice that when he thinks I'm upset, he gets all upset thinking he's done something.He hates to see any look of upset or disturbance on my face.
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The way my h acted at our wedding was a huge red flag that later occurred to me and was a thorn in my side. That’s just one, for example. Looking back on that, had I known how bad that was an indication of things to come was, I could have annulled the marriage that night.
And yet, after all the suffering I went through, I am grateful I had the marriage, especially the children.
I guess there is a time and a season for everything. When I became good and ready to release myself from suffering, I had to because it was killing me.
I think it’s good to take time before committing and saying ‘I love you’ until you really see the good, the bad, and the ugly.