I'm really scared I'm permanently damaging myself with these stupid stupid behaviours. Part of me wants that to happen. But I'm a mother now and I need to keep my **** together. I think I need help but I don't want anyone else to know. I don't want medical intervention. I don't want to stop, I don't think I'm ready. I'm nearly at my goal, after all. But we both know I will only move the goal posts again and again. I don't want you to be angry with me for being so stupid.