The title of your post pretty much sums you up. You sound incredibly sad and incredibly bitter.

It’s interesting that you have a feeling of “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” it’s pretty much the same boat anyone reading your post is in.

“This is going to be a long post and you probably won’t read it” “I have some very complicated questions that I can’t ask” “everyone is bad, people are,selfish, etc”

I hear a lot of rage. I hear someone who is furious, confused and floundering. You seem to want help but you kick anyone who answers in the teeth.

What I’m not hearing is an actual question. Is your question “why so I feel Like this?” I’m not a doctor but I can tell you that your post sounds similar to internal monologues I have when I’m depressed or in the grip of a manic episode.

If you don’t like your therapist try to get a new one when you can. If you have tried Meds but they didn’t help then maybe you need different Meds.