I changed my mind. Your second question wasn't a good question after all. Well, it was the natural question. I just don't want to think about it because once I get past the surface layer, it's too hard.

And, I wonder if you think that telling me it wasn't my fault is validating? (It is, of course it is, and it totally makes sense--says the rational part of me.) Because that means it was completely out of my control, and we both know how tightly I cling to being in control. (I don't say "If only I had...What if...." any more in sessions because I know what you'll say. But I still think it.)