Hello Kefira: Welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself to the membership at large in our New Members Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

I'm sorry you are struggling with these difficult, & I would suspect, frightening mood swings. Things tend to move pretty quickly here on PC. It can take a while to become known. but once you do, there can be a lot of support available here.

Honestly, I can't tell you what's going on with you. And my personal opinion would be that it's doubtful anyone else, here on PC or elsewhere on-line, is going to be able to do so either. Two things occur to me, though, with regard to your situation. One is that what you're experiencing is something you're going to have to figure out, over time, with the guidance of either the therapist you currently see or another therapist if the one you're currently seeing doesn't seem to be able to help you.

The other thing is... you didn't mention if you're seeing a psychiatrist or if you're on any type of medication. If not, this may be the other thing you want to consider. Sometimes a person's mental / emotional state is so compromised that, at least over the short term, medication is necessary. That doesn't mean you'll necessarily have to be on it for a long time. But it may be something you need to consider in order to "buy" you the time you need to continue to work with your therapist.

You mentioned you sometimes become concerned you might seriously harm yourself. If that's the case, then it may also be important for you to reach out in real life for help. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to mess around with. (I know because they're something I've had too much experience with myself.) Hopefully you're being completely honest & up-front with your therapist regarding what you're experiencing. If not (I know it can be difficult) you must be. Your therapist can only be of as much help as possible if you are totally honest with regard to what's going on with you.

Of course if you do, at some point, find yourself to be at risk of doing serious harm to yourself, then going to the emergency services department of your local hospital is the necessary next step. In the meantime I do hope you continue posting here on PC. There are also the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved. Those may be something that can be of help too. Sometimes just being able to be in touch with others who've had similar struggles & who understand what you're going though can be a great comfort. I wish you well...