In the beginning I was shocked from everything after I finally left my abusive ex boyfriend. For so long I was in denial about it even and was always covering up for him and simply letting him get away with things because I seriously thought he would change and that it was my fault. After awhile I tried leaving him and that's when the threats came...

Now I'm crying and there's lots of mood swings I'm having because I feel stupid for not getting any sooner or going to the police when he threatened me if I was to leave him. I know there's nothing I can do about it now, but I seem to be very hard on myself now. Try to explain PTSD to people and not many truly understand or get how I feel. This is why I've been depressed for so long and I've been covering up for him for years... and not telling anyone because how ashamed I am. My mother is happy that I'm out. Scared to damage my relationship with people by my mood swings so I won't be logging on that often so I can focus on myself.

People I know can only support me so much but I still do feel lots of pain right now. So much went on during this relationship that it's hard to comprehend. The thing that I won't ever forget is how he poured alcohol over my head and I did nothing because I was so afraid of him. I was deeply afraid afraid of him and when he got angry, I froze up. There's been so many times where I felt like I was walking on eggshells and he manipulated, gaslighted and lied to me. This is why I was so confused for so long and had no idea what was going on half the time.

Hope I can get some support here. I truly do feel alone right now. There's some friends of mine that clearly don't understand how I feel.