I know I could put this in the trans* area, but i am unsure, as it’s currently seen as a mental illness (gender dysphoria, not that I totally agree on this, but that’s a different topic), but is about transgender people, so I don’t know. You can move this if it’s better suited there.

Anyways, the past few days, I have had really bad gender dysphoria, specifically, body dysphoria. For me, my body dysphoria is mainly regarded around my chest and not wanting breasts. I hate them so much. I look in the mirror and just want to cry because I have them and they don’t belong there. I just want to be flat there. And the process is long to get surgery. Like, if you want it free I believe. You have to do HRT for at least a year, and I haven’t started that due to being unsure if I would like this now, or if I would like to wait due to medical conditions I have. Maybe I can get it without this, I don’t know. And then you have to wait for a surgeon and schedule an appointment and waiting for that appointment can take months, hopefully not years, but I don’t know. And there’s this whole criteria you have to fulfill in order to qualify and I feel like I only am at half, maybe a bit more, but I feel like it’s a lot of waiting and talking to people.

I don’t know what I can do while waiting. Even a chest binder isn’t enough at times because it doesn’t make my chest flat enough. I am in a lot of emotional pain over this.