You may be broken at the moment but you’re not defective. Greiving a spouse can take years. I’m so sorry you are going through this. My only advice is to call bull crap on anyone telling you to “grieve naturally.” If you are asking for help then you probably need it. It is not uncommon to have chemical help to get over a really rough spot our life.

I do get frustrated with the impatience of others when they feel like we have grieved “long enough.” I lost 2 sisters this last year and I’m not anywhere near being “OK” or back to normal.

It’s going to be hard but keep trying to get help. You deserve it. Try not to burden yourself with guilt that you aren’t snapping back fast enough.