I didn't think of you much over this five day stretch, because I want to follow the rules in spirit as well as literally. You say I am too eager to follow rules and appease authority, and will bend myself into contortions to please people, so why are you so strict? I literally have never called you and only texted you once in almost two years- and it wasn't content- just schedule. It might not be a mixed message that you say I need to do what I want to do more often but really wont consider softening the frame, but I experience it that way. For a long time , I was confused but engaged, waiting for an enlightening, brightening moment to understand this. Now I am confused, but resigned and letting go of " co creating" therapy. I think you like the notion of it, of co creating, but you have an ironclad view of how everything should go. I don't think you put me in a double bind, so much as yourself- you want to share power, but you too are afraid to break rules .