Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw
I agree many abusers claim they are the abused.
I also think that on the other side of this, sometimes we ALLOW others to abuse us, when we ignore red flags from them that basically tell us they will abuse us. So we become complicit in our own abuse. There will always be bad people in the world, it is OUR responsibility to care for ourselves enough to say "I see this red flag, and I will not ENABLE someone to hurt me."
So sometimes we do ENABLE people to abuse us. It's a huge component of co-dependency. So I think it's really important to say, if all the guys I'm dating are being abusive, what am I doing wrong in picking these guys? How can I avoid men like this by being savvy to their patterns?
It's not about blaming but taking responsibility.
I am glad you are recognizing red flags and giving them weight now.
Seesaw
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I identify with this. I'll admit that I enabled my abuse for sure, and that's why I've struggled so hard with my own victim-blaming, because I'm
not a stupid woman, I knew on some level exactly what he was doing, and I told him I wanted to be done many times. He was just really good at smoothing things over, and also at breaking me down to the point that I the self esteem I had going in (and I was at a weird place to begin with) was slowly whittled away. As garbage as the guy was, he is
smart (it's one of the things which attracted me) and knows how to do his thing well.
I'm glad to see you're doing well, golden_eve! I wish it were as easy for me to find someone who treated me as well as your current boyfriend treats you. I don't think I'm at the point yet where I want to trust that there is someone out there. Also, it's not every day that men want to date me.
