Quote:
Originally Posted by graystreet
I identify with this. I'll admit that I enabled my abuse for sure, and that's why I've struggled so hard with my own victim-blaming, because I'm not a stupid woman, I knew on some level exactly what he was doing, and I told him I wanted to be done many times. He was just really good at smoothing things over, and also at breaking me down to the point that I the self esteem I had going in (and I was at a weird place to begin with) was slowly whittled away. As garbage as the guy was, he is smart (it's one of the things which attracted me) and knows how to do his thing well.
I'm glad to see you're doing well, golden_eve! I wish it were as easy for me to find someone who treated me as well as your current boyfriend treats you. I don't think I'm at the point yet where I want to trust that there is someone out there. Also, it's not every day that men want to date me.  |
Abusers are VERY good at manipulation and at smoothing things over, especially when they know you're about to leave. I told my ex many times that we were "done". But I couldn't pull that trigger for a long time because he was SO good at saying exactly what I wanted to hear and also at talking me down when I was upset.
My boyfriend and I met through a social scene. I knew right away that he was a good guy, but I had the same mistrust and wariness. He was interested, but I said we had to be friends first. So he respected that and then I liked him.