I've probably touched on this before, because it's helped me -- I think. But do you have any support groups there that might help relieve some of the loneliness?

I went through a lot of therapists, the last with a Ph.D. and post-doc training, and she didn't really understand what was going on with me, or know how or want to communicate with me about that. Very sad, very disappointing. So . . .from my experience, even if therapists want to try to help, sometimes they can't.

I think you have said that you couldn't get what you think might be more appropriate therapy through your public health system? But even though I paid out of pocket, I don't think I got very effective therapy, even after doing what I thought was a good job of due diligence on my end before I hired people.

Here's another possible way to look at things, may help, may not. What if your depression and low self-esteem are just really difficult "cases"? If you had a difficult physical illness that medicine didn't help that much with what would you do? Would you look for alternatives? Distractions?