i wasn't sure what to post this on. i just need someone's input, opinion, feedback, whatever. im going to start with some background. i was always the outcast in my friend group. i was invited to big group outings, parties, etc., but no one ever invited me to hang out with just them or a small group. except for one person, my best friend. we hung out, had sleepovers, went to concerts, everything best friends did. she was all i had my whole life since the sixth grade. time passed, she became closer and closer to another friend in the group. we grew further apart, fought more, barely talked. summer came, and i basically had no genuine friends. i stayed home that entire summer. i was never invited to go anywhere or do anything and i did was see what everyone else was doing through social media. then, towards the end of summer, the girl that'd been my best friend unexpectedly died. i was heartbroken, still, though we'd barely spoke for months. through the grieving process, i spent more and more time with my group of friends, and i became closer to everyone. i started to get invited to things, and i didn't feel left out anymore. my popularity grew. the girl that had been best friends with my ex best friend started getting closer to me, calling me her bestie, always asking me to hang out. she even called me her soul sister. after what, six months? when six months ago she hardly noticed or talked to me. it doesn't feel right to me. it shouldn't be me. i even got invited to go on a spring break trip with her and another that was very close to the girl who died. the whole trip i just couldn't help thinking that if she was still alive it would be her that was here, not me. and now im going to college and rooming with this girl that calls me her best friend but probably wishes i was someone else. and the worst part is, im happier than ive ever been. i have a lot of friends, boys talk to me, i have more followers and get more like on instagram than i ever have. and im happy. but underneath the happiness, im so, so guilty. because this should not be my life, and it never would have been if there hadn't been this fatal accident. i just dont know what im supposed to feel, and i cant google it because this isnt an everyday thing. i dont want to feel so happy and sometimes i dont because of the guilt. it just depends on the day. i feel even more guilty on some of the days i dont even think of her until the very end. and then i think, wow, i just went a whole day just forgetting her like she never even existed and this was always my life and not hers. i just need some sort of help, i dont even know what kind, but i hope someone can offer it to me. please. thank you.