My system is currently working on resolving a major conflict between two groups of alters that are battling for control. My T thinks the conflict between these two groups is driving a lot of the ongoing dissociation, so working on this is currently our main goal in therapy. Boy it is hard.
On one side we have the alters that bonded to family and see family and join in the family denial that nothing bad happened and everything is fine.
One the other side we have alters that were abused and want nothing to do with family.
I and a couple of other alters are in the middle. We didn't experience abuse but we didn't experience a relationship with the family either. We don't know what is right or true because we didn't experience either one.
Now the two sides are a little closer instead of being completely amnestic for each other. It is pretty awful and we are experiencing a lot of SI, depression, etc. It feels impossible to live with this status quo.
It doesn't feel possible to see them, knowing what they did, but it also doesn't feel possible to not see them. Neither does it feel possible to not know.
Has anyone here been through something similar? Is there a way out?
T says this is why the dissociation has been so strong between these two groups, those that know and those that don't know. Because there has been no resolution to that conflict. It feels like there still isn't a resolution, and we wish everyone could go back to not knowing each other.
The problem is we have to find a way to work through this because it isn't safe for us and it isn't safe for our children. We know we have to do this. It is just so isolating and hard. We are not functioning well at all lately.