you are a human being and deserve to live life to its fullest!!! i think you are just in the doldrums probably like me lately, i can't seem to get my head thinking positive thoughts lately, its very disturbed of me, i wish to god he would let something good happen to me or i could get my head thinking straight. I know how you feel! I fight the negative thoughts every day now, and am on the edge of putting myself in the hospital for a med change. Maybe you could use a new meds or any med to help you feel better. Therapy is also helpful too. I hope and pray we can both get our minds to be more positive and healthy.