I only discovered this is an actual thing, this past week. Other than the part of putting yourself before others (I care way more about others than myself), it fits me very well

I always do my best to keep people emotionally distant. I have issues with intimacy and such. I am in therapy but ironically now I've got sucked into the attachment of therapy and am finding myself very uncomfortable and freaked out because of feeling so close to someone. I HATE depending on him, even slightly.

Is there any way to actually deal with this? I'm not sure therapy alone is gonna help. I just can not find reasons to allow myself to depend on or want people close in my life. Having this with him is bad enough. A mental battle in my mind of trying to embrace it and see what happens and trying to fun away from it.