You are finally recognizing how you were "unknowingly" groomed by your father to give up your own needs to please him and you probably were starved for healthy attention. Remember, a child literally has no idea what a narcissist is, or what is toxic and what isn't. A child just wants to be loved and "seen" and if the parent is narcissistic that child learns that love is conditional and all about "pleasing" dear old dad.

Narcissistic parents don't "know" they are narcissistic. These self absorbed parents genuinely don't realize they are neglecting their children either. I met a mother who wrote a "self help" book and she was getting ready to do a big tour but did not know how the time that would take away from her young daughter would affect this child. I was going to work at a party she had for her daughter and she asked me to observe her daughter and let her know what I thought. Well, this child did nothing but literally hang onto her mother's clothes the entire time, would not leave her mother, not even to enjoy what I had that children are typically very attracted to and drawn to.

Children who are neglected can develop some deep life long challenges. Some turn to drugs, and some create their own "illusions of grandeur" that is eventually diagnosed as NPD while others struggle with low self esteem not really knowing where that came from too.