Very correct. Beyond bitter. Far, far beyond bitter.

Not at all.

Absolutely. I'm glad someone acknowledges it.

Incorrect. Sorry, but you fundamentally misunderstood any of what was going on then. You made a snapshot judgment based on my exchange with Candy1955 and Jackywhateverthe****; you're going along with the group think occupying this very small slice of my life--there's actually very little kicking of the teeth going on. It's an honest mistake because I'm assuming you've not read prior posts. I've rarely (if ever, that I can recall) chided someone for offering help unless it's very clearly for the purpose to insult--I can only think of one other time I've been heated on here--such as our good friend Jacky-the-drooler over here. Check out my other posts. I think you, like a few others, think because of the tone of my post which doesn't portray me in the most flattering light (and I set the tone right away; I don't think because someone is misanthropic, one should get any less fair treatment on these boards---these last few posts have neither been diplomatic or reasonable), and my questioning certain assertions = arguing i.e. biting the hand that feeds you. However, of course I'm going to be aggressive about someone trying to invalidate my depression; that pisses me off greatly. Wouldn't you be mad if someone tried to invalidate your depression after hearing that it's not plausible numerous times. For the poster to call it "self-pity" (which I should remind you can probably get you in trouble in these forums)...or 'intellectually dishonest' when all you were doing was exorcising your feelings. Did you read the context of my proverbial "kicking in the teeth"?

I'm always open to help, but I will reply and give my take on it usually. That's why I'm here, and have been here for a while now; now it's not quite as much about help, I think, and more about berating the poster but there's a fair share of good eggs still.

This last batch of replies would make a truly suicidal (not just suicidal ideation like I've had) want to go ahead and kill themselves. And that's no good. That means something is deeply amiss here.

I've asked questions throughout it. I posed quite a few. And summed up the dilemma. I had to make an entirely separate thread to address them.

This thread is just about finding solutions to complicated problem. Other than free therapy it doesn't seem like there's a whole lot I can do to stave off the depression. These forums, if this is thread is any proof, are not as helpful as they were. I need a judgment-free zone, and that's just not going to happen. So one shouldn't act shocked that I have nowhere to sublimate my pain except via anger. That's not true compassion. I feel for whatever difficulties cynics are going through that lead them to that point. I feel compassion even for criminals (not for the crimes themselves of course), because they had few options. In addition to that, this thread was about exorcising my demons: it was cathartic in a way. There was the need to see if there's that one intelligent person out there who gets all of what I said, can heal the wounds, and offer a way out. So far I haven't seen it.

Unfortunately not that simple. I currently lack the funds for a therapist now and I have no insurance. I'm waiting to see if I'm accepted for SSI. I've been through myriad meds - I've lost count - and currently lack money to see a psychiatrist. I have to stay on the current meds I have.

Then you should have understood where I was coming from. Which you did to some degree. But you can understand the anger a little more clearly now.

Thank you for your post Shazerac. It was a little bit more cordial and understanding than the most recent posts. Although I don't think you should shamelessly pander like you did. It's no good to pile on.

Naturally Candy1955 will upvote any sentiment that piles on further in critiques.

jacky8807, you did a very poor scan then. Very poor.

With being around others to such a large extent, first comes having my neuroses at least partially fixed--put in check, whatever; before I submerge myself in an activity involving others. I never once said people were "too stupid to also not want to obsess your every move" or anything like it you smarmy little weasel. What a fundamental misinterpretation of what I wrote. I said often people have trouble with the complex, and that's maddening. You demonstrate it, aptly.

The only lesson I've learned from all of this is: don't get down. Don't be depressed. Because it's not okay. People kick you when you're down. So don't get depressed.