I lost my mother to suicide at 14. She was bipolar also (called manic depression at the time), and addicted to legal drugs. My father basically bailed at the same time. He paid the bills, made sure we had food, but we were basically parentless. That may have been the trauma that brought on my own bipolar. I have had bipolar disorder since I was 15. Was in a deep depression for most of the second half of my teen years. Never developed a good sense of self esteem. So I am very aware of the damage a suicide can do to those left behind. Can be very difficult to get over.
My heart goes out to you, and may your journey get easier with time.