Ok, so basically the other night when I was drunk, I was saying that I have no reason to want to SI. Other than depression, but my depression isn't that bad. Or at least it doesn't affect my emotions *that* much. But my mood is constantly low anyway, and the only way I feel really good is why I get drunk. Though not the day after lol. Either that, or doing something active like going out cycling. Running doesn't make me feel high. But basically I am SI-ing because I want to cause myself physical pain, I know that sounds stupid but I don't have a better reason. I'm not doing it to release emotional pain or to stop feeling numb or anything like that. Just to cause myself pain. Wow that sounds so moronic. There are lots of people around who live in constant pain and here I am causing it to myself?

So... I am feeling constantly low, and really I don't know how I am meant to live with it all the time. I'm fed up of it. But I don't want to take meds either. I write down how I feel in my journal, but that doesn;t help. I can't concentrate properly on reading or listening to music, it doesn't hold my attention. I don't feel like watching any of my films.

And also... I have some exams in a couple of weeks, I have to revise for them... and i have to do a few assignments in that time as well. Wish me success guys lol. I dont know, I am not really coping properly here any more. And I dont even feel stressed or anything.