I've been working at this company for a little over a year now and I had a manic episode back in Nov and was hospitalized for a month and went back to work mid January. I went through a breakup a few weeks ago which really tore my heart apart and I fell into depression and now I'm taking a month off from work for bipolar depression to get my **** together. I start PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) tomorrow for counseling, support and to (re)learn DBT/Cognitive coping skills while I'm on leave from work.

I'm really ashamed that I had to take time off and I'm really embarrassed to go back to work. I feel like my illness is controlling me and I'm doing a horrible job living a "normal" functioning life. I feel broken and I keep thinking, I'm so damaged who would ever want to date me? I feel so weak and alone. I haven't told any of my friends that I'm taking time off work. I just want them to believe that I still go to work everyday.

Tomorrow, when I get home from PHP, I'm going to try really hard to clean my house and do laundry (I let all the house chores go to the waste side) since I've just been spending my time in bed (And I really need to wash my sheets, lol). I think if I just start taking baby steps, I'll start feeling better about myself. I need to push myself to do the things that I used to do like take my dogs for walks/dog park and work out. I have a rowing machine and stationary bike which are getting pretty dusty. I need to start eating healthier (limit lean cuisines) and start making fresh food like fish and chicken with veges. I also love hiking so now that it's spring, I can start going hiking again. I guess I'm just giving myself a pep talk here and probably nobody is interested:/

Any other ideas how I can lift my mood? Or how you lift your mood during bipolar depression? And what have your experiences been about work/LOA. Did you feel discriminated against?