Well not so easy to pass off as a rash. My bf was looking at me with confusion, my kids kept staring at my face. And all I felt was pain, but most of all I am ashamed of what I did.

If anything, my face is really sore. It is swollen, almost looks like its all cracked. Dried blood and kind of looks like someone kept slapping me over and over. My neck has cracks and scratches. But the burn from the water is not too bad. It is tolerable, so not too concerned with it. But I can't hide this either. I was tempted to cancel my appointment, but then I am running away from it...and I can't anymore.

My body is aching tonight. I can feel every little tight spot and muscle tension. My bones feel like they are over a hundred years old. And my head is throbbing. Not sure why though.

I tried to put some medicated cream on my face but ohhhh my, that stung. I could try to cover it some with make-up tomorrow but I think I would puke from the burning sensation. It hurts to even move muscles in my face. Its like a burn, u know how it feels so tight that it hurts with any movement. But I did it so now I deal with this mess. Stupid, just stupid. I can't believe myself sometimes. I want to hit myself over and over until I can't fight against this person anymore. Just drop over from complete energy loss. I feel so drained again. Wanting to hide under the covers in my bed and not move again.

But tomorrow will come even if I decide to hide away. So no point in hiding anymore. Just need to be honest with myself so I can be honest with my t tomorrow and tell him I am not sure if I can do this at home anymore. And I am afraid, %#@&#!!!!! What am I going to do? I will lose my kids cause once again their so called mother is falling apart, can't even be safe with herself. And I hate her more and more as time passes, realizing who I really am. A failure, a waste, a cowardly jerk.

Sorry everyone. I hate to say these things, hate to disappoint u all. I am just so sorry.

Justy