My brain feels like it's going to explode!

Tonight I'm have a crisis, I can't sleep, and I'd be D***** if I go to the emergency room. This has happened fairly often,
along with mild auditory hallucinations, and I feel like I'm going insane and I really want to break down in tears. I'm
aware that I'm delusional right now, I know what I'm thinking isn't true, but I can't convince myself to calm the F down.
It started with annoying intrusive thoughts.

I get those all the time.

And I believe, in my mind, that the FBI is watching my every movement and reading my thoughts. Like right now, as I'm
writing this, they are out there in my backyard listening to my mind. My internet provider is working with them, and
feeding them lies so I get arrested, and live my life in jail for the rest of my life.

I keep looking out my window waiting for sirens. It's like that for days, and I know it's a delusion.

And my logical side of my brain is saying, you're crazy and that's not going to happen. But I can't stop feeling this way.

Everyday I'm peering out my blinds waiting for someone to pull up.

I can hear their thoughts (also I'm diagnosed with Bipolar I), and no matter how hard I try to convince myself.
It won't go away. I want to scream! I want to rip my hair out and bang my head against the wall to get this feeling to
go away. I'm supposed to be seeing a new doctor, but I haven't gotten a call back. And I took my pills.

I take Lithium Carb 300 mg twice a day, Prozac 40 mg once daily, and Ziprasidone 60 mg once daily.

And usually my Ziprasidone can get me to fall asleep, but I think it may need to be increased. My old doctor tried
to put me on Risperidone, but I didn't trust that medicine. (I was conviced it would kill me). And I already feel like
everyone on twitter and facebook can see what I'm doing.

My head literally hurts. It feels so compressed and mushy, I was told that was a sign of anxiety, and I don't feel
like I'm in mania. Usually, I spend excess amounts of money before mania starts.

I don't know what to do.

I need reassurance, I need support, and I need to know that I'm not alone in this because I feel like I belong in one of
those crazy asylums.

I've been locked up twice for suicidal depression. I'm not going back.

But after writing this I feel a little bit better.

My head hurts a lot. But I feel better.

Thank you for reading.