I was so glad to see that you returned to posting, Shazerac, because your perspectives & the support you give others is so valued on PC. I don't know you personally, but you have great value to others Many of us have emotions which lead us to beat ourselves up, but try to look at the big picture (advice I should take myself!). As far as feeling semi-agoraphobic at times & having fears based on past experiences or irrational thought patterns (in my case), you're certainly not alone. There are many people here on PC who have the same problem, so I hope knowing you're not alone helps to some degree - & from what you wrote you have extreme empathy for those folks...yet another reason to give yourself credit for being a special human being. As others have already written, try to give yourself a break. You deserve it.