Quote:
Originally Posted by Olive303
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I want kids, he doesn't.
We have talked about our future in depth. At first I was barley an adult and didn't know what I wanted. But as our relationship has progressed and I am growing up I realized that YES I do want kids.
He has never been keen on the idea. At first he said he didn't want them because of health issues he didn't want to pass down. Then we agreed to adopt or just have 1 kid. He has gone back and forth since and now he said that he 100% does not and will not want kids.
We are at the point where either I agree to give up on my idea of being a mother, or we part ways.
I know that he is the love of my life and I do not want to be with anyone else. I can't imagine a life without him in it. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I do not love easily and may not find anyone I want kids with. I know that he will always have part of my heart so it seems unfair to be with someone else.
However, I try to imagine a childless life and it just feels a bit empty. He said that he knows I will feel sad and regretful of not having kids- I agree. But I will feel sad and regretful if we broke up.
I know we can have a nice life together but I am very prone to loneliness and I like the idea of filling my life with family.
Has anyone been through this who has any words of wisdom for me?
Has anyone had kids and regretted it or not had kids and regretted it? Or not had kids and lived a very fulfilled life?
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I have not had kids, I am 47 and am very happy. I do have a partner, a boyfriend, who loves me dearly. I feel I have all that I need and want in order to be happy.
I would say that you need to decide just how important it is to you to have children. IF it is something that you feel you really really want in life and cannot do without, then it's time to separate. BUT, if it's more important to stay with your boyfriend, and if he matters much more to you, then perhaps you can let it go.
It's a tough one since you don't know how you're going to feel in the future right now if you choose not to have children and stay with your boyfriend. Will you resent him down the road? Will you feel like you sacrificed something very important to you and that it was a big mistake? Will you feel unfulfilled and empty in life without children?
Difficult to really know and predict how you will feel. But right now, you will need to decide which is more important to you: staying with him or having kids.
One thing to know is that you can always find another love in life.... plenty of men DO want children and commitment. Plenty of men want to be family men and find their future partner. Love is
always possible. But once you make the decision to not have children and after you pass a certain age, you cannot turn back the clock. It's a forever decision.
Also, I agree with another poster who said you shouldn't have children just to fill the loneliness gap. Children take a LOT of work and require some self sacrifice. Their needs come first... they take up all your time and energy. You need to really think about your motives for wanting children. There are definitely other means for fulfilling loneliness.
I wish you all the best in your decision making. It's a big one, so take your time.
